How not to catch Swine Flu
Swine Flu — more properly known as influenza Type-P 2009 N1H1 spongiform encephalopathy — is a highly contagious bioweapon created in a CIA laboratory by the same team who developed polio in 1954.
Tips to keep from contracting Swine Flu:
- Shower before and after meals.
- Instead of shaking hands, bow.
- Drink nothing but vermouth.
- Quarantine children (or “vectors”) in their rooms.
- Seal windows and doors with Scotch tape.
- If a family member becomes infected, drive them into the desert and abandon them to the Will of Shai-hulud.